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TBD Submission: Kate

so happy to receive submissions beyond my own. glad you felt like sharing, kate!

Name: Kate
Date: October 18th, 2016 (Tue)
I’ve been thinking a lot about what we all discussed in group about making meaningful connections. Can I really make those connections with others or are they something that happens by chance and not of my own accord? Do I really have any say in what happens in my life or is this all a big Sims like game to God? I wish I knew my place and how I can be better and grow and be useful and of a sane, silent mind. Half the time I’m in an internal frenzy while hiding behind a calm demeanor. I don’t want to be that way anymore. I want to be able to scream, yell, cry etc. when the time calls for it. I don’t want to sit by and let things I don’t like happen.

Anger, resentment and jealousy doesn’t change the hearts of others– it only changes yours
– Shannon L. Alder

~thank you, kate~

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Diary 19
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December 26, 2011

Diary 19 / 30-years-old / NYC
I think I said it all in the video… but I’ll add in another huge ‘Thank You’ here. Whether you’re brand new, or around from the beginning, I greatly appreciate your involvement and support.
In a nod back to the project’s beginnings, the mic had a rough go… The sound may be less than perfect, but the experience–and the end–is all that I could ever want.
Also, just because my content is ending, doesn’t mean yours should! I will absolutely continue to accept and post submissions. Throwback Diary is yours now. 🙂 thank you thank you thank you.
~fin~

December 26, 2011
December 26, 2011
An ending and a beginning.
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Diary 21
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December 24, 2015

Diary 21 / 35-years-old / NYC
Chronological storytelling for the second time in TBDiary history! Just one week since the last entry, and overcome by how lovely the world seems: “I’ve been like that lately: wildly stimulated by all, but not overwhelmed.” And then a horrible online date that ends in a ‘Toodaloo!’
It’s the second to last Throwback Diary… enjoy!

This is the first and only time we’ll see an entry from Diary 21, which I’m currently still using. 🙂

December 24, 2015
December 24, 2015

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Submissions
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TBD Submission: Johnny

Johnny has felt like such a voice in this project for so long… excited to receive his second submission!

“Wednesday Dec 16, 2016

Roommates dropped a bomb on me today. Roomie #2 is having a quarter life crisis and felt she had no control over her life, thus has chosen to join the Navy. I took it particularly hard because this is the first time in eight years I felt as if I had a home. Not living in my sister or grandma’s spare bedrooms (which were really just laundry rooms) or living with folks I didn’t really care for. We sit around and make long term plans, talk about opening businesses together, pitching in together to buy a house for all three of us. She said she was happy with what we had. Then bam! All those little plans gone. I’m sure she just wants to use the money to go forth for their own plans. Can’t open businesses and buy houses with imaginary fun bucks after all.

I’m just upset over the loss of the dynamic. Plus I was happy. I rarely genuinely am happy with living situation since I lost my home in 09. But dammit. I was happy.”

~thank you, Johnny~

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Diary 20
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December 15, 2015

Diary 20 / 34-years-old / NYC
WARNING: It’s a political one! 🙂 It’s days after the Paris attacks, and just about in the full swing of political primaries. I struggle with my disappointment in how society seems to be moving, and how I’ll likely be writing the exact same thing a year from now… which is–um–now. And I am. So. This is the post when I predict the future!
It’s also the very last page of Diary 20, which spanned three years.

December 15, 2015
December 15, 2015
The very last page of Diary 20, which spanned three years.

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Submissions
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TBD Submission: Charmaine

~Be sure to check out Charmaine’s last submission to hear more of her story.~

“I am coming to the end of my second semester and stifled by deadlines, exams, and more deadlines. Knowing it will be more of the same in too soon a month’s time while aware I am not doing as well as I did in high school and feeling… I don’t know what I feel. I am jaded. I am no longer the student I was; I am a 2.5 GPA and the praise has left me.”

December 7, 2016

“My English professor has done something uncharacteristic of college professors and pleaded with me to turn an assignment in on time. He says, “You have done so well up until now.” And ‘until now’ reverberates, all I can think of because I know he is right.”

December 7, 2016
Listen to Charmaine read her entry December 7, 2016
December 14, 2016

“Seven Days Later, thoughts still on college (and being quite melodramatic)”

December 14, 2016
December 14, 2016

~thank you, Charmaine~

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Diary 17
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November 29, 2009

Diary 17 / 28-years-old / NYC
“I’ll take my first pill tomorrow. And I feel a bit like I’m tying my hope to a shape-shifting cloud, but I suppose sometimes the intangible is the closest to grounding available.”

The discussion around mental health has come a long way, and likely has a long way to go. Taking an antidepressant terrified me–and through years of chronic depression I tried most everything else. But the stress of my health became too much for Giovanni to bear, and he began accusing me of using depression as a way to not take care of myself, or of us. One should never have to encounter the threat of losing the support of a Most Important Person, but in my case it was the threat that made me take action. It seemed like a last-ditch effort, and probably was. But the year I spent taking a silly pill absolutely saved my life. Share this with anyone–on either side of the relationship–going through the same thing. Throwback Diary is for *these stories* more than anything. As the conversation continues to become more nuanced, I hope fewer and few people feel abandonment along their path.

November 29, 2009
November 29, 2009

pills
It was still a really hard decision, even as I agreed to begin. I used photography a lot during that year.

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