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TBD Submissions: Madeline

A response to the March 21, 2010 entry.  Shared with permission.

“Dear Caroline,
I thought that, in response to your entry about starting an antidepressant medication, I would send in an entry from one of my journals. This entry is from my tumultuous freshman year of college, during which I developed an eating disorder and was formally diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and clinical depression. Shortly after the start of spring semester, I moved home and commuted to school from there. Here I describe my first of many visits, to many doctors, for these issues.

Madeline writes of her anxiety, depression, and eating disorder.

February 13, 2009

I had an appointment with Dr. S at C— in L—. He was very nice and understanding. I told him everything. He thinks I have an underlying problem with anxiety, which contributes to the depression and disordered eating (which he thinks are situational).


The outside cover of Madeline’s journal from 2009.

He also asked me where I was at spiritually. I was rather surprised and said, “Nowhere… I haven’t been to church in the last six weeks or so.” Even as I said “church,” I wasn’t sure I’d heard him correctly. He told me quite frankly that he thinks that’s a mistake. He said that since our bodies were made for the Garden of Eden, we face depression and anxiety because we are so ill-suited for this world. He thinks it would be very beneficial for me to “get closer to Him.” … I was quite taken aback and felt almost attacked–what if I didn’t believe in God? He just assumed I did. But I also thought for a minute that I was going to cry. I thought, maybe this is the nudge I needed. Maybe this is God speaking through him.

…Anyway. They weighted me–125–and prescribed Prozac. Mom came in and talked with us a little. She told me something I didn’t know. Uncle T struggled with disordered eating when he was a kid, becoming obsessed with healthy eating. I was shocked.
They drew blood to check my iron and thyroid. And that was it. I left feeling good. I’m optimistic about the medication.”

~thank you, Madeline~


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