Submissions
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TBD Submissions: Madeline

A response to the March 21, 2010 entry.  Shared with permission.

“Dear Caroline,
I thought that, in response to your entry about starting an antidepressant medication, I would send in an entry from one of my journals. This entry is from my tumultuous freshman year of college, during which I developed an eating disorder and was formally diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and clinical depression. Shortly after the start of spring semester, I moved home and commuted to school from there. Here I describe my first of many visits, to many doctors, for these issues.

Madeline
Madeline writes of her anxiety, depression, and eating disorder.

February 13, 2009

I had an appointment with Dr. S at C— in L—. He was very nice and understanding. I told him everything. He thinks I have an underlying problem with anxiety, which contributes to the depression and disordered eating (which he thinks are situational).

 

Madeline_cover
The outside cover of Madeline’s journal from 2009.

He also asked me where I was at spiritually. I was rather surprised and said, “Nowhere… I haven’t been to church in the last six weeks or so.” Even as I said “church,” I wasn’t sure I’d heard him correctly. He told me quite frankly that he thinks that’s a mistake. He said that since our bodies were made for the Garden of Eden, we face depression and anxiety because we are so ill-suited for this world. He thinks it would be very beneficial for me to “get closer to Him.” … I was quite taken aback and felt almost attacked–what if I didn’t believe in God? He just assumed I did. But I also thought for a minute that I was going to cry. I thought, maybe this is the nudge I needed. Maybe this is God speaking through him.

…Anyway. They weighted me–125–and prescribed Prozac. Mom came in and talked with us a little. She told me something I didn’t know. Uncle T struggled with disordered eating when he was a kid, becoming obsessed with healthy eating. I was shocked.
They drew blood to check my iron and thyroid. And that was it. I left feeling good. I’m optimistic about the medication.”

~thank you, Madeline~

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